It’s been a weird couple of days. I wore this shirt in Portsmouth on Saturday. I wore a long sleeve white cotton oxford over it, and I had a guilty pleasure knowing some people saw it and registered it as a gay pride shirt. I generally have a hard time screaming a gay vibe.
I am 48 years old. This is the first piece of LGBT clothing that I have ever worn. I have spent my life trying to hide this part of me, even though I didn’t realize it at the time. I am scared to death and proud at the same time. What is weird for me is that how it makes me feel.
There were times during the day that I was really scared to wear the rainbow colors. I felt nervous at times. It’s weird, scared but not ashamed. I felt weird when two women came in alone. Not sure if they would see a gay man as a comfortable ally or a freak. When two macho bro-type men came in I felt threatened. I fought the urge to cover up. I felt that common fear that I would be a target by modern society.
I felt amazing and scared all day. As the day went on, and as I realized I was not scary…I felt better.